Comments (2)

By Sherry, August 11, 2010 5:29 am

sometimes I wonder, where the key would lead me..

.

Slowly one by one it all falls apart, not unlike a chain of domino blocks toppling. Its disconcerting when you somehow you’re viewing the worsening situation with alarming clarity from afar with a cynical mind. It’s like a voice in your head telling you not to be stupid, yet the urge is there to tempt fate again and again while desperately grasping on to what you hoped was solid.

You smile and laugh till your jaw threatens to unhinge.
You tease and tempt like you’ve not a care in the world.
You sulk and pout, pretending innocence to the drama that unfolds.
You put on your actor’s makeup and go on stage day after day.

Yet knowingly, as you rush headlong into the mire, a recollection of thoughts originally thought buried, resurfaces… and THAT is when you feel the pain you thought you’ve safely forgotten.

And the worse part is knowing deep inside that there’s nothing you can do about it now.

.

And no, i’ve not gone mad. Yet.

.

I don’t know whats gotten into me. Its 5.45am here and i’m still up wide awake writing emo shit. Bah! someone please knock some sense into me!

Comments (5)

By Sherry, August 6, 2010 3:28 am

oh hai. i ish back. again.

and yes, its assignment time. again. (when else would i pick up my lazy butt  out of my nice warm bed to come here and post more nonsense?) oh yes, and i’m in a deep pickle seeing as i’m still stuck where i was 4 days ago with no hope of redemption by morning. oh woe!

i’ve done everything - from facebook stalking, to replying long-delayed emails, to giving myself a haircut.  The excuse to be busy is much utilised though, especially due to a recent spate of high drama-ness. One brick falls and the whole wall comes tumbling after. Murphy’s Law indeed.

One thing i realised after stalking facebook pictures is that everyone else seems to be getting thinner and thinner. and i’m growing chubbier by the day. fml. Did I miss something? How can i not get the memo??? Perhaps its time i put myself on diet… not that history presented a very convincing support to the case. Haha i need more discipline, thats for sure. And better time management. And less procrastination. *ahem*

A random picture from i-don’t-know-when while testing out my new baby <3

Introducing New Housemate, Resident Housemate, my Doppelganger and Ex-Housemate.
Now we can start producing the first season of Desperate Housemates. wtf.

Its amazing how I’m motivated to do the things I would ordinarily not do when I  have something that I should do. And then self-obsessing with the guilt that consumes while I’m doing something that I should not be doing because there is something else that i have to do. But knowing that I have to do that something which I have not been doing eventually anyways kinda puts me into more of a mood to do other things that has nothing to do with that something i’ve got to do. Darn.

So here’s more of something I should not be doing, but yet i’m doing to fulfill my perverse pleasure of being stressed when that something is finally due:

Kudos to the amazingly (and grossly) limber tofu hand model, Snowy. Don’t ask.
You’d understand if you knew her.

Munching on Milo cereal is a baaaaaad way of staying up. Its overly addictive and no better than the packet of strawberry sour straps i have next too me. Or the sweet chilli and sour cream Doritos. Or the bar of Lindt chocolate on the top shelf. Oops.

(…and i wonder why i keep getting fatter *sigh*)

On the bright side (if there is a bright side to staying up late supposedly to work, but end up doing everything but!) at least I think i’m starting to deal with the recent scar to my heart. No worries as my ever resourceful (but lazy) internal workers are doing their very best to patch up the gaping hole. Probably fill it with plaster of paris or something. After all, it wouldn’t do to make it so hard to penetrate the armor, would it? :)

If you’ve managed to keep up with my ramblings so far, good for you! (although i’ll still be wondering why you’d want to). If you haven’t, well, at least you’re reading this! :D

Comments (4)

By Sherry, June 26, 2010 3:46 am

Things have not been going great. Far from it in fact. And I myself am to blame. Probably.

There was another argument. Started with something trivial, as always. It seemed just so great a while back. And suddenly there’s a crack. No, more like a fissure, widening into a canyon. How did things spin out of control so quickly? Why is it so difficult?

I’m afraid. So very.

Serves me right for dreaming and wishing for things I knew were impossible. It’s time to let go of the childish fantasies of a kid and understand that I finally am, 21.

I’m an utter fool aren’t I?

Comments (1)

By Sherry, August 28, 2009 4:11 pm

My fever’s gone, but now I’m down with a sore throat… or dry throat… the ones which makes you feel like coughing all the time anyways. And then there’s that super big ulcer I woke up with this morning… :(

I know that people like Ren is gonna give me that look if he’s here. He’ll go “I told you so…!” with a smug smile on his face. And I’d have to sit there grinding my teeth (or maybe not with that ulcer -.-) hating to admit that he’s right.

But before I say anything in my defence, i have one statement to make:

CHOCOLATE IS INNOCENT
never ever blame the chocolate

I’ve been concerned about my weight gain recently though. No, i won’t tell you how much I weigh and those of you who are close enough to know, probably can guess it already anyways. It’s been a difficult winter (my first!) for me as I learned to deal with the cold and binge eating. Actually, I haven’t exactly dealt with it - it’s STILL cold… and i’m STILL binge-eating. But you get the point.

You see, I DID try…

However, I have been trying to eat healthy lately though - not that it’s really successful - but a few days a week is better than none right? I’m done with caffeine addiction and soda addiction. Yet time and time again I fail in the face of the ultimate challenge ever - chocolate.

But you know what’s strange? The moment you tell yourself that you’re on ‘diet’, you’re suddenly assaulted with images and names of things you can’t have in your mind. It spells out deprivation. And it makes you want it even more. It’s depressing really.

All the worst when out of the corner of your eye, you see that temptingly saucy little bar of chocolate or candy gently mocking you. If you listen hard enough, you can almost hear it saying “Ha-ha you CANNOT have me.. ha-ha!”. And you get this sudden urge to prove it wrong.

Maybe it’s true that I should get out more. Metabolism is at an awful low since I started hibernating. But the constant rain here doesn’t help either. Meh.

Perhaps it’s really just me with the poor discipline and self control.

.

ps. Feature article due in a few hours. I’m not panicking - no matter how much I tell myself I should.

pps. Just got the menu list from Ivy (thanks heaps babes!). Eventful Meet & Greet dinner update next! (and yes, you’ll finally get to see a picture of me. For real.)

.

Comments (4)

By Sherry, May 23, 2009 7:12 pm

Why can’t I do it?
I promised myself, knowing that I should, and therefore I would.

Then one mere thought, and resolve shattered.

Oh Sherry, why art thou so stubborn???!
thy should know thyself, your weaknesses and limitations
yet you never learn…
This is so annoying. Ish.

FTW Procrastination Nation!

I know I’m procrastinating.. again.
Don’t bother saying “I told you so.”

I’ve heard it so many times it doesn’t work anymore =(

… and darn, I think I’m hungry again

♦♦♦

So yeah, laptop dieded on me…
… after only 5 months…
@#$%&*censored*@#$%&

…and I am very very upset…
@#$%&*censored*@#$%&

…so upset that I am blogging in the computer lab…
…while having fries wtf…
…while halfway working on my foodtoshop photoshop assignment…
…and a case study…
…which is due…
erm… lets just say very soon…

wish me luck! :P

cz i’m seriously gonna need it ><

♦♦♦

loves:

ice-cream; cheesecake; good coffee; chocolates; egg tarts; shopping;
$20 heaters; Rachel Au and her fries; pimpdaddy; old uncle in Perth;
sleeping; procrastinating!

♦♦♦

ps. someone save me! this place is scary :(

Comments (0)

By Sherry, May 18, 2009 1:25 pm

There are so many things that I seem to be missing out. It feels horribly strange not knowing anything, till its all over. A security blanket, a comfort zone gone - unwittingly leaving one’s emotions vulnerable. I’m afraid of the things I think and do, if its for the right reasons. Self doubts creeping in, fear rising. I’m afraid I don’t know me anymore. It’s a labyrinth up there, a total mess.

I’m not too sure that’s where I want to be.

A paper due by 5pm, and yet, here I am. I think I’m worried, but not for the right reasons. I’m worried about the fact that I’m not worried because let’s face it, I really should be worried, shouldn’t I? And I’m pretty sure that makes sense- just not to some people.

Some people call it a miracle. I agree it’s entirelly possible.

“You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.”
“What mood is that?”
“Last minute panic.”

-Calvin and Hobbes-

Yet, I’d still like to think of it as a personal achievement, an individual attribute. I wonder why I insist on inflicting such self torture, and I’m afraid to say, I don’t know.

Seems like there are so many things I don’t know now.

*I feel ugly today.

♦♦♦

Update:

Wondering if I should bring my laptop with me later and start on my IDM assignment. After all, those uni computers don’t have foodtoshop photoshop..

honestly, FOODTOSHOP??! ROFLmaoWTFbbq

Some people just cracks the shit out of me.

Okay, time to start on the Effective Comm paper.. which is due in 2 hours.
Don’t bother telling me - I know I’m awesome.

… foodtoshop. Lmao.

♦♦♦

Comments (0)

By Sherry, May 11, 2009 12:29 am

I really wonder if i know what i’m doing.

Nothing is ever what it seems. So many secrets, so many personalities, so many lies. Everyone has a secret - even if they’re unaware of it. Looks are deceiving, never seeing the glint of hidden claws… right till you start bleeding. It’s such a harsh place, the irony of a simple gesture.

It’s hard to admit, but everything seems like just a game. Lies, deceit, jealousy, pain and raw, sharp emotions. Some thrive on the drama, and some wither and die. And I’m getting a headache. Ugh.

Some have asked why I looked so relaxed, chill, calm, collected. Trust me, it’s the only way i’m retaining my sanity.

Time to relearn the game. Only one thing never changes: Gut feeling - it’s the only way to go.